Who's Your Daddy?
by Gringy Boots
Summary: Minato suspects Sasuke of sabotaging Naruto's relationships and for once his drunken ramblings were correct. Oneshot. Sasunaru.


**Title:** Who's Your Daddy?

**Rating:** M

**Couple:** SasuNaru

**Genre:** Humour. Romance.

**Summary:** Minato suspects Sasuke of sabotaging Naruto's relationships with possessive joy and for once his drunken ramblings were correct.

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Who's Your Daddy?

By

Gringy Boots~

* * *

Minato Uzumaki let out another long, tired sigh, his arms wound around his hysterically sobbing son with one hand rubbing gentle circles on his back. His mind was a little hazy from a few drinks at the pub with his friend Kakashi so he couldn't quite tend to his son as he usually would.

"I told you she wasn't good for you, Naru..." He murmured, running his fingers through the golden strands of hair and rolled his eyes when the boy let out a gurgled choke.

"B-bu-but I l-lo-loved heeerrr!" He wailed into his shirt, flinging his arms dramatically around his shoulders.

"Naru, you knew her for a week. And you dated for three days." The older man grumbled a little, deadpanning.

"I-I-I kn-know bu-but we-we had a connection! Y-you know! Th-then she...she..." He dissolved into a mess again.

You see the oldest Uzumaki had this on a daily occurrence. His son was beautiful, an almost mirror image of a mini him which made him naturally very popular with the girls. His stomach was chiselled thanks to a few hours in the gym and brilliant genes, his hair shaggy and golden and his eyes were always sparkling. He had a funny, outgoing, loving personality and everyone fell for him within two seconds.

Though his ability to maintain a girlfriend sucked balls.

"It's alright. I've called Sasuke, he'll be here in 3 minutes, 42 seconds." An exact number. Sasuke always managed it give or take a few seconds.

"St-stu-stupid bi-bitch!"

"I'll make you some hot chocolate." Minato stood up, with some difficulty thanks to his son being latched onto his hip, and waddled into the kitchen while managing to place his frenzied offspring in the seat.

The kettle began to boil and Naruto lay against the table, his arms outstretched in front of him with his forehead resting against the fabric table spread, his nose crushed into the wood with his eyes squeezed shut.

1 minute, 17 seconds.

"I'm sure Whino-"

"_INO!_"

"Ino! Right, Ino, had a good reason for breaking-"

"Because apparently I wasn't paying her enough attention!" He roared into the table before sobbing a little.

"How? You spent every second of the d-" Minato froze and a sudden painful sense of déjà vue started to set in. He could almost mouth the words as they came out of Naruto's lips.

"All I did was go and see Sasuke!" And those eight words were the ending to every relationship Naruto has ever been in. "I don't see her problem, he's my best friend!"

"I know-"

1 minute and 17 seconds up.

"Dobe."

"TEME!" Naruto was immediately curled, wrapped, _plastered_ himself to Sasuke's front, his hands grasping the back of his navy shirt with his fingers as he buried his face in the pale boys chest, a fresh flood of tears assaulting him. His best friend snorted a little, wrapping his arms around the fragile boy before nodding his hello to Minato, who sat on his stool and observed the interaction between the two boys carefully.

More over that, he curiously scrutinized the smug smirk that was blatant on the Uchiha's pale lips, the knowing gleam in his eye sending alarm bells off in Minato's mind.

"Come on, dobe. I'll go set up the futon, I'll stay here tonight, if that's okay?" The older blonde nodded mindlessly, still pondering over why Sasuke had looked happy at his friend's misery. "I'll get the ice-cream, dobe. You go get the duvet and the movie."

The duvet. Not _two_ duvets. _The_ single duvet. Would they share? Naruto only had a one person duvet. They'd have to sleep awfully close to stay under that thing comfortably. Did he do that when he was their age? What time did they stop having sleepovers?

The non-hysterical blonde scratched his chin, briefly noting his five o'clock shadow, his eyes still following the suspicious Uchiha around the kitchen as he fished out the Caramel Chew Chew ice cream and two spoons. No bowls? His blonde brows knitted tighter together. Everything was very suspicious. Though he was quite a bit drunk...

Once the two teens had disappeared into the living room and the sound of the movie began to fill the air, Minato grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and began drafting his speculations.

'Sasuke always there after break up. Girlfriends always _complain_ about Sasuke being there. Naruto always spending time with Sasuke. Sasuke looking smug when Naruto goes through a break up. Despite Sasuke's the _cause_ of the break up. Single duvet.' _Why does that bother me so much?_ Minato pondered before tearing the paper out and scrunching it into a ball, tossing it into the bin.

He'd had one too many sake's with his old student.

Three weeks later, Minato had totally forgotten about the conspiracy theory and Naruto had snagged a new girlfriend, who was currently accompanying his son in the living room. Nauseating giggles rose from the futon along with a few kissing sounds.

"Naruto?"

"Oh shit!" Said boy sprung off the sofa in surprise, fumbling with his flies and the girl quickly pulled down her ridiculous belt skirt. "Oh, you have a friend?"

"Uh yeah, dad...This is Sakura." Minato inclined his head towards the candy floss girl. She was pretty, big green eyes but her 'skirt' (belt) was almost nonexistent and her cleavage was so low cut it almost showed her bellybutton.

"Hello Sakura."

"Oh! Nice to meet you!" She leant over the couch to shake his hand and he got an eyeful of her lacy bra. He flinched a little.

"Uh...Yeah. Naruto, Sasuke just called and said he'd be coming over in 3 minutes-"

"-42 seconds, yeah I know dad." Minato chuckled a little before nodding and walking back into the kitchen, shaking himself a little to get rid of the mental image.

"Hey Minato." The blonde jumped a little and looked up at the back door to see Sasuke standing there, a little sweaty.

"Sasuke!" He almost shrieked in surprise, looking at his watch. "It's...you got here in 57 seconds!"

The Uchiha sent him a worried look, as if to say 'what the fuck are you doing recording how long it takes me to get here' before shrugging.

"I was in the neighbourhood."

"Sasuke you live _next_ to us."

"Is Naruto in the living room?"

"Yeah. With _Sakura_." The adult always enjoyed bitching with Sasuke about Naruto's poor taste in girls. He always joked that the raven would end up marrying Naruto and the other boy would always go silent and nod speculatively.

"Sakura?"

"Yeah." A frown marred the usually emotionless face before Sasuke disappeared into the living room with what sounded like a 'this'll be a little tougher than usual'.

Minato snuck towards the door and peaked around the corner to spy on his son's social life.

They were watching a film or something, Naruto in the middle with his hand on Sakura's thigh but Sasuke seemed almost _draped_ over the blonde, an arm around his shoulder and every time something jumped out in the movie Naruto would hide in the raven's chest. The pinkette however was shooting sneaky peaks at the Uchiha which he only glared evilly at.

The next day, Naruto was choking out sobs into his daddy's arms. Sasuke seemed particularly pleased with himself.

The girl that was next shipped into Naruto's love line was a shy girl, different from the others. She was sweet and quiet, wearing long skirts and modest tops, not the slutty kind which usually broke his heart.

They lasted a few weeks, which was a record for the cheeky little monster before they broke up. Naruto wasn't sobbing or crying, he was quite happy because they remained friends and she started dating his best friend (Sasuke considers himself Naruto's other half and therefore above the best friend status).

After Hinata, his little cherub son didn't have another girlfriend. Sasuke still came over though. In fact more often then not.

Minato began to automatically cook for three rather than two. Sasuke's clothes began to mix in with Naruto's and his navy blue tooth brush was perched next to the yellow one, his school books even appeared on Naruto's bookshelf.

The two would sleep together in the converted attic which the teenager claimed as his own. They'd come down in the morning together, eat together, leave for school together, arrive _home_ together, do homework together...Sometimes even shower together. To 'save water'.

Minato scoffed a little, shaking his head at his son's freakish behaviour.

One day he arrived home early. His boss had had a bitch fit about the window cleaners and accidentally cut one of the ropes to the suspended platform which they worked from, almost killing two people and effectively maiming one of them so they all got the day off.

He took the bus home because the traffic was hell at 5:30. He usually left at 7pm so it had died down by then but because of the whole fiasco it would've taken him three hours to get home. Stupid suburbs being so far away from everything.

He sighed heavily and shoved the key in the slot, twisting it quietly and set his bag on the counter and set about making some coffee when he noticed something odd.

There was a strange music coming from the living room and the lights were dimmed. Were those roses that he smelled? He looked on the kitchen counter. Yep. A vase of _huge_ beautiful roses. There was a large bouquet of a combination of blue and yellow flowers with a hand drawn card with stunning calligraphy saying 'For my beautiful Naru. I love you more than life. Love, your teme.'

"Teme...?" Minato whispered curiously, tracing the letters with his index finger before turning towards the living room and carefully tip toeing closer. He was curious as to who this new person was, his son was _never_ this romantic, he must really like the girl. Sasuke'd been around so much-Hell he practically had moved in. Or had he for real? _Oh damn, I think he sold his apartment as well..._

Shaking the thoughts from his mind, he pried open the door and poked his head round. Whomever Naruto was with, they were both lying flat on the sofa because he could see the slender feet of his son poking out from the top, his toes curled in pleasure, which was unusual for him to be underneath-Minato caught himself. Knowing his sons sexual position was a little too creepy, even for him.

Sneaking closer, he noted the romantic, _loud_ music playing and jumped when a tanned hand shot out and grabbed the back of the sofa, Naruto's knuckles turning white as he gripped it for dear life and Minato heard a piercing moan slice through the air.

He felt a little queasy at the realisation that that moan had come from his son, his little baby boy that had once been his sperm living in his testi-He stopped himself. Oh God. what was _wrong_ with him?

Leaning closer, keen to see the new girlfriend, he poked his head over the sofa and blinked. He didn't quite understand what he was seeing for a good few seconds before he realised.

A pale back was positioned, covering half of Naruto's body, right between the long tanned legs, moving in rhythm against him. The hand that wasn't trying the tear the sofa apart was digging into the white shoulders, leaving angry red trails every time he dragged his nails over the flesh. The person's back was already littered with little crimson ridges from the past clawing and even a few bites.

Minato swiftly noted the complete nakedness of both people and the way the strangers feet were driving against the arm rest of the sofa and how Naruto's knee's were locked over the _boy's_ shoulders showed that quite clearly they were having sex.

His sons head was thrown back in pure bliss over the arm rest, his blond hair hanging down in sweaty locks as his neck craned, eyes squeezed shut in bliss and concentration. His exposed neck was being ravished, quite thoroughly, by a raven haired...duck butted..._Sasuke!_

"Who's your daddy?" It was a cruelly ironic phrase to slip out of the Uchiha's lips which perversely seemed to hit a spot for his _son_ because he let out a particularly guttural moan, the hand that was gripping the sofa moved to draw Sasuke as close as possible.

"D-daddy...Uuhhnn..." Naruto mumbled, a little deliriously as his eyes squinted open to lock gazes with his actual dad before letting out a low whimper of pleasure.

"That's it, _scream it_." Sasuke groaned throatily, his hips picking up in speed making the sapphire eyes close briefly in bliss before his eyes shot wide open in absolute horror.

"DAD!" The blonde squeaked in shock, stumbling in an attempt to shove Sasuke back but it was apparent that there was a certain bit of his anatomy refraining them from doing so.

Minato dropped his cup of coffee.

Naruto immediately shot up, his hair a total mess and his eyes dazed, while his best friend was forced up as well but hadn't been able to get a proper holding so was simply propped up with his chin against the tanned shoulder and his hands dangling down in an awkward, pathetic position.

"Sasuke? _SASUKE?"_ The adult screeched before spinning on his heal and sprinted out of the house, running full steam towards the bar and texted Kakashi on route to meet him there.

Of course the ex-sensei of the two, and the major pervert, found the whole ordeal completely hysterical.

"Ma, ma, Minato. I'm surprised you didn't see it before. Those two used to bicker and squabble until the cows came home but it was all sexual tension. And Sasuke looking smug, you say? He always was possessive over Naru-chan." Minato growled a little at the nickname before grunting, collapsing over his double Jack Daniels.

"B-but...my baby boy...My little Naru...and...he was..." The Uzumaki shut his eyes but the image of the two were seared into his eyelids.

"He was _growing up_. At least you know he won't come sobbing to you any time soon."

"What? Why?"

"Well, when they were little Sasuke was always so distant but because we had extra training together, one on one, he would talk to me a little about his feelings. His favourite topic seemed to be your little cutie pie son."

"Paedo."

"And he always said that when he manages to get him, he'd keep him forever."

"He's not some sort of pet!" He protested, still a little perturbed by how Kakashi didn't deny the claim of a paedophile.

"I know. And Sasuke knows. Sasuke's been through a lot and Naruto's always been there for him. Why can't he be there for Naruto?"

"...I suppose."

"And you know that he'll take good care of him."

"Yeah..."

"...So what's the problem?"

"I don't know...the fact...the fact that he's bottom! Why is it that Uzumaki's are _always_ topped?"

"You were topped by a woman though, Minato. That's the worst." Kakashi sniggered before downing his saki, ignoring his ex sensei's shrieks of dismay and how 'Kushina was a very strong woman!' he'd heard it all before.

Later when he had gotten home he found Naruto curled in Sasuke's lap asleep, with tear tracks down his cheeks. Sasuke was asleep too, propped up in an awkward position but it made his little...boyfriend happy.

Minato let out a heavy breath a gently shook Naruto awake. The blue orbs fluttered open and he yawned briefly, his hands, which were locked together around Sasuke's, tightened before he noticed his father looming over him and quickly sat up, dropping his boyfriends hand.

"Dad!"

"Narut-"

"I'm really sorry!"

"No, it's-"

"Unacceptable, I know!"

"What? N-"

"I'll move in with Sasuke needs be! I get it if you're too disgusted to look at me-"

"Naruto! Shut up!" The teen's mouth snapped shut with an audible click. "It's...I...I'm _happy_ for you." He grumbled before he smiled warmly at his son. "I trust Sasuke."

"I trust him too!" Naruto piped up. "I...I really..._really_...**_really_** love him." Naruto mumbled, glancing at his boyfriends sleeping face shyly before looking back at me. "So...sorry about the whole..._sofa_ thing...normally you're not back by then..."

"...You...do that regularly?" His dad shrieked before quieting his voice when Naruto waved his hands to keep it down before motioning towards the sleeping 'teme'.

"Uh...no?"

"Naruto."

"Okay, yeah. That's why Sasuke's been...staying over more often."

"Because you've been in a physical relationship?"

"No! Be...because we confessed to each other."

"You confessed...together?"

"Well...Sasuke told me he loved me. And I realised, after a short freak out...that..." He lifted a hand and ran it along the pale cheek dotingly before cupping his cheek and chuckling fondly at the memory. "I really love him too."

"...That's good. And he treats you good? He doesn't...hurt you?"

"Dad. You _know_ that Sasuke'll never hurt me. He's always protected me."

"Yeah. I know. I just worry about you."

"Why?"

"...My baby boy's growing up."

"D...do you mind me be gay?"

"Of course not! Naruto, come on. I love you too much to judge you on something like that. And Sasuke's a fine man."

"Th...thanks..."

"Though...uh...he should...not...dirty talk." The whiskered cheeks immediately enflamed bright red, amusing his father to no end.

"U-uh?"

"_Who's your daddy?_" Man, even his ears went red.

"Ack! So-sorry about that...te-teme gets a little carried away...haha..." He gave out an awkward laugh, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

"Alright well don't stay up too late and...uh...is Sasuke living here now or what?"

"We're saving up for our own apartment. Teme sold his to get the starting fund so he has nowhere to live. Please, please, please let him stay daddy-Eehk! _Dad_!" The teen blonde looked a little queasy before recomposing himself and linked his hands under his chin, his lower lip jutting out and wobbling.

Minato sighed, knowing he couldn't deny his son anything, especially with that adorable expression. He vaguely wondered if his cherub son ever used that face to get anything off Sasuke...Probably. Manipulative little devil.

"Okay, _okay!_ Stop with the puppy dog eyes. He can stay. But if I hear_ anything_ from your room which is over 15+ I will kick him out." Minato growled threateningly, but they both knew he would never follow it through.

"Yes dad. Alright I think we'll probably sleep down here. Night." They pecked on the cheek, Minato avidly trying to ignore the obnoxious Uchiha hickies spreading across his son's neck, before the elder walked up stairs, shaking his head at the antics of the teenage years.

Once his dad disappeared, Naruto smiled contently and snuggled against his boyfriend with a deep sigh. He was about to drift off when he felt Sasuke's hands tighten around his chest and the midnight eyes opened lazily, a dangerous smirk on his seductive lips.

"...What?"

"Nothing."

"..."

"So you...really, _really, **really**_ love me, huh?" The bubbly teen blushed deeper before wrapping his arms around the strong pale neck and kissed him deeply, tilting his head to deepen it to a make out session. Sasuke grunted loudly, pushing his little koi back flat onto the sofa and crawled up his body, littering it with little kisses and pecks.

"More than _anything_."

* * *

Two weeks later, Minato sat at the bar once again with Kakashi at his side, downing shot after shot of Saki.

"...You okay?"

"Yep."

"...You sure are drinking a lot. Everything good with Naruto and Sasuke?" Kakashi smirked when he saw his friend flinch violently at the names before grumbling.

"Everything's_ great_ with Naru and Sasuke." He slurred a little and suddenly looked like he was going to cry but shook it off and downed another shot.

"So...the drinking's for...?"

"Only way to block out the screams is to pass out."

"..._Every_ night?"

"**Every** night."

The silver haired man whistled in amazement at the level of libido the two held, sitting back on the stool, ignoring his mopping friend. He knew that Karma Sutra book he leant the Uchiha would've come in handy. Not sure it was too good on papa Uzumaki's mental health though...

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Hey! Hope you liked it, haven't posted anything in a while so I thought I'd give it ago. It's unbeta'd so if there are any mistakes point and scream and I'll correct them ASAP.

Click and tell me what you thought!

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